"You Don't Own Me"

As the old song goes : "You don't own me!  I'm not just one of your many toys."

I have been reading more and more on the IR websites I'm on where someone is saying they want to either be or have a "Black Master", talking about owning a white submissive female (or couple) or being owned by a Black Bull.  I gotta say, I'm really hoping this is all just fantasy talk, because it is hopelessly beyond my understanding of how, or why, someone could feel that way.  I suppose it's possibly true and real, and who am I to judge if that's honestly what someone else wants?

It does seem like some of the guys I have chatted with from the site are more, shall we say, assertive in their approaches and communication with me.  But they quickly learn that I am a strong-minded, independent, stubborn woman and I will simply stop communication with someone who tries to push me too hard.

One guy I went for a drink with has twice texted me in the morning while I was on my way to work telling me (no, not asking, telling) to skip work, call in sick, and meet him so we could play.  Ummmmmm, no, buddy, not gonna happen.  When I first texted him no, he texted back trying to convince me.  Again, I said no.  There is NO WAY I am going to risk my job, my security just for a roll in the hay.  Fuggedaboudit!  He tried the same thing a few weeks later.  Gee, surprise, surprise, he got the same answer.  Go figure!  Haven't heard from him since and, as I'm sure you can imagine, I'm heartbroken by this.  Ha!

I'm not looking for someone to control me and take over any aspect of my life.  If anyone thinks they're going to do that, then they have another think coming.  

So, if you're a "real person" reading this and you really, truly want to own or be owned by someone, please leave me a comment to shed some light on this.  It may not be what I'm looking for, but I would love to understand the mindset.

Cheers,

Mari

"You've come a long way, baby!"

Some of the younger guys on the sites I'm on have asked in the forum whether a woman's sex drive truly does increase as she gets older, or if that's a myth. I can only answer for myself, based on my own experiences.

YES, it does increase, and sex gets even better for a woman as she gets older (although I much prefer to use "more seasoned" instead of older).

My hubby and I were just discussing this the other day, after a pretty intense lovemaking session.  I was curious, and asked him whether I was different, sexually, now than I used to be when i was younger.  His answer was yes, and he went on to say that I seemed more "into it".  That discussion led to a real moment of clarity for me that goes far beyond the notion of age.

As I have mentioned in previous entries, I was raised in a very conservative family.  Brought up to be a "good girl".  Brought up to believe that it was wrong to have sex outside of marriage (despite the fact that others in my family had done it - you know, "Do as I say, not as I do!")  My mom's version of giving me "the talk" was to give me a book written for teenaged girls and pretty much leave me to it.  Never once was I ever given the impression that sex was/should be fun, that it was good.  I was never made to think, or understand, that our bodies deserve pleasure, that sexual desire is a natural thing.  I would almost go so far as to say that I grew up feeling like sex was bad, shameful.  "Nice" girls didn't behave in certain ways.  Even once I was married and sex was "acceptable", I think part of me still clung to that ultra-conservative point of view.  Yes, I did get pleasure from lovemaking, but there was always a part of me that held back, didn't quite totally lose all control and just really let go completely.  Granted, some of my reticence to enjoy sex may have stemmed from a haunting childhood experience with inappropriate touching, but I can't blame it all on that.

Now that I have shattered the barrier of "a good girl doesn't..." by taking the step of sharing my body with someone other than my husband, I somehow also seem to have freed my mind and given myself permission to really enjoy the passion and pleasure of sex, more than I ever had before.  I am now more likely (and better able) to communicate with my husband as to what feels good, better and best.  I even initiate much more often (this also being helped by the increase in libido, I believe). This all has the added benefit of making sex better for him, too.  Who'd have thought that sex would be even hotter 20 years in to a relationship?

I know to many, I may still be very tame, conservative, old-fashioned.  When you look at the difference between me just a few years ago and me now, though, I truly am a changed woman.  I can look at the woman I am now and say "You've come (or perhaps I should say 'cum') a long way, baby!"  

An erotic short story (latest update Sept 28)

*******This is the start of an erotic short story I've been working on.  It will develop as time and inspiration allows.  :-) *******

She looks into his smoky eyes brimming with passion, hears his voice tell her how beautiful she is and how very much he wants her. It feels incredible being in his arms, warm and secure, yet just on the edge of a precipice that will lead to the wildest ride of her life. He then asks her to walk with him to the beach. It is a lovely, moonlit night sprinkled with stars, and she is feeling very romantic, so she accepts his invitation.

They walk for a while, and then stop and sit side by side on a chaise lounge. He puts his arm around her shoulder and pulls her close. With his other hand, he turns her head towards him and gently strokes her cheek and hair. Then, almost before she can take a breath, his lips meet hers, softly but insistently. Her mouth opens slightly in a sigh, and she can feel his tongue start to explore. Her eyes close from the intensity. She can feel his hand moving from her face and hair down toward her breasts. He lifts her t-shirt ever so slightly, so that he can feel the skin underneath. As his hand reaches her left breast, he feels the satin and lace of her bra. His hand then cups her breast, stroking gently. The sensation is so strong that she struggles to catch her breath.

"How can I feel so much this soon?" she asks, her voice husky with desire.

"It is because our hearts have known each other forever, my love ", he replies. "The rest of us just took a little longer, that's all."

She smiles, as she leans forward to kiss him. "I like that explanation."

As her lips meet his, she is once again lost in the sweet sensation of his kisses. She can't stop a soft moan from escaping, and hears an answering moan in return. His lips leave hers, causing her eyes to open.

"Penny for your thoughts," she says.

He looks at her intently. "I think the first time we make love should be somewhere a little more comfortable."

"And maybe a little more private?" she adds, blushing.

"I think we can manage that," he says. "My room is closer; shall we go there?"

She nods her assent.

The walk to the room seems to take an eternity, but finally they are behind closed doors. As soon as the lock clicks shut, he takes her in his arms and recaptures her waiting lips. The kiss seems to last forever, and when they eventually part, she wonders how she is still standing, since her knees feel so much like jelly. Suddenly, she feels his lips on the sensitive spot at the side of her throat. Heat spreads quickly all the way down to her toes.

His lips start to work their way down to the vee of her t-shirt and then stop. Impatiently, he tugs her t-shirt over her head and tosses it aside. He notices the front closure of her bra and immediately makes short work of that as well. His lips once again begin the slow, almost excruciating trail down her torso. He stops to undo first the button of her jeans and then her zipper, finally helping them ease their way down her thighs and then calves. She kicks off her sandals and the jeans that sit at her feet. They join her t-shirt in a pile.

His hands, now at her hips, reach for the scrap of lace, but she grins and steps back.

"I believe you have me at a distinct disadvantage," she scolds him playfully.

"I guess I do," he admits. "And what do you propose we do about that?"

Not needing any further invitation, she reaches for the top button of his shirt and undoes it quickly, moving on to the rest without hesitation, kissing her own trail down his well-muscled torso. When she reaches the waistband of his jeans, she deftly deals with the button and zipper, and the denim slides down his legs to the floor.
She smiles shyly and says "Ah, well, there's that question answered."

"What question?"

"The boxers or briefs question," she replies, with a grin. "And if I may say so, you would look just as good in boxers."

He winks and says, "Well, what about commando?"

"Mmmmm," she murmurs, hooking her thumbs in the waistband of his briefs, on either side of his hips. "Let me do some very in-depth research into that question."

And then she proceeds to pull them down, slowly, tantalizingly, inch by inch. After just a few inches, she stops... and moves her hands to the front, and starts downward again, letting her hand graze the rapidly-growing bulge at the juncture of his well-muscled thighs.

"Damn, girl! You're driving me crazy!" he mutters, as she drops to her knees in front of him.

Shooting him an expressive glance, she responds, "and myself as well." And with that, she pulls the briefs the rest of the way down, releasing his now-throbbing erection.

"Mmmmmm, commando would definitely be an option. God, you are gorgeous... all over!"

She leans toward him and starts covering him with kisses. He puts his hands on her shoulders, as if to steady himself.

Holding his shaft with one hand, his firm ass with the other, she leans over just enough to be able to run her tongue along the underside, from the base all the way to the head. She then does the same for every inch of him, top and sides. The smooth surface of the head then gets the same treatment, her tongue darting all over, not missing a single spot. His hands are now kneading her shoulders, and he lets out a moan. He feels her smile against his skin and, a moment later, she pops the head in her mouth, still working her tongue around it. His moan grows louder.

"Oh, baby, I ... mmmm..."

All thought ceases as she takes as much of his length in her mouth as she can. He moves one hand to the back of her head, gently. Dear God, he didn't want her to stop! And she doesn't, until finally, he couldn't take it any more without danger of losing control. He leans over, breaking the contact between them, and grabs her under the arms and lifts her from her knees into his embrace. 

He wraps his strong arms around her, kissing her deeply, with an undeniable passion.  His right hand then moves to her head, and ends up hidden by the silken lengths of her wavy, strawberry blonde hair.  Their kiss deepens even more.

"God, I want you!", he murmurs against her lush, rosebud lips.

"Mmmmm.  I can tell," she replies with a smile.  "I'm incredibly flattered by how rock-hard you get from my touch."

"All for you, baby, all for you!  But now, it's time to make YOU feel good."  He bends down to scoop her into his arms and heads for the inviting king-sized bed.  She immediately snuggles into the strong safety of his chest, raining light kisses wherever she could reach.

Once they get to the bed, he lays her down gently, running his hands over her breasts, down her sides, along her hips, and down her soft ivory thighs.  Reaching her feet, he lifts them up to place them at the edge of the bed, and, kneeling down, starts making a damp trail up her calves and then her inner thighs with his tongue.

She moans softly, obviously enjoying the sensations.  Her moans increase in intensity the moment his tongue finds her sweet, warm womanhood.

"Oh.  My.  God!"  

She bucks, feeling a bolt of lightning throughout her body as he applies just the perfect amount of suction to the most sensitive spot on her body.  After that brief suction, he goes back to using his tongue on her, swirling, playing, dipping, tasting, tantalizing.  Her moans, now increasing, with the occasional gasp and squeal thrown in, urge him on, incite him to explore different speeds, pressures, lingering in certain sensitive spots.  

"You do know that you're sending me to hea... hea...heaven with what you're doing right now, don't you?  Ayiiii Dios!" 

"Mmmmmm, oh, yes, I know," he replies.  "I can tell from the fact that, not only are you quivering, but you are so drenched, so ready for me."

"I want you inside me so badly!  More than anything on this earth right now.  Please, baby, don't make me wait any longer."

He gets up, kisses her once more, and grabs a condom from his bedside table, quickly putting it on.  

Coming back to the bed, he rains kisses all the way up her body until he reaches her soft, rosebud lips.  She puts her arms around him and pulls him in closer.  The thrum of electricity between their bodies is palpable.  She moves her legs just enough that she can slide her feet along his calves, up and down, teasing him.  She reaches her hand between their bodies, taking his hard shaft and placing the head right where it belongs, at the apex of her thighs.

"God, I want you!"

"I love a woman who knows what she wants, especially when what she wants is me," he replies. 

Easing the head in, slowly, he pauses to let her adjust to having him inside.  He then, just as slowly, starts going deeper into her warm, wet depths.

"Mmmmmmmmm, you feel so amazing inside me."

"Open up those beautiful blue eyes, baby.  I want to be able to see what you're feeling."

She opens her eyes and they lock on his.  They then widen noticeably as he goes deeper.

And then, his eyes widen in turn.

"My God, woman, you're so incredibly tight!  You're gripping me like crazy!"

She smiles, devilishly, and deliberately tightens her muscles rhythmically, gripping him even more.

"Wow!" he gasps.  "God, that feels good!  But you'd better slow down a bit or I'll be finished before we hardly start."

"Mmmm, okay," she replies, kissing him.

He starts to pull out, thrusting back in, slowly, deliberately at the last moment.  This elicits another sensual moan from her.  Her pelvis tilts up just enough to let him go slightly deeper.  He moves in to kiss her, deeply, passionately, as he goes even deeper into her.  She tightens her grip around his back, and wraps her legs around his hips, locking him firmly in place, not that he'd want to be anywhere else.  God, she felt so right!

"Wanna go even deeper?", she asks?

"Hell yeah, baby!"

She unwraps her legs from around his hips, and wriggles to get them under his arms.  He straightens his body to make it easier for her to adjust her position.  The feel of her legs now extending the length of his torso, coming to rest on his shoulders, just serves to make him that much harder inside her.  He slowly, gently, eases back down toward the bed.  She smiles at his hesitancy.

"It's okay, babe, I won't break.  Give me everything you've got.  I can take it."

He groans in response.

"How is it that, just when I think I can't get any more turned on, you say something that proves me wrong?  You drive me crazy.  You know that?"

"Mmmmm hmmmm.  I know.  And I love that."

With that, he leans into her more, getting deeper as the angle between their bodies decreases.  He takes her in his arms, and holds her tight to him, her legs snug against his chest.  She gasps as she feels him fill her completely.

"Too much?"

"God, no," she replies.  "Feels so good, so amazing!"

A rose by any other name...

*******As with all my blog entries, please bear in mind that these are simply my own personal opinions, viewpoints, desires, and I don't presume to try to tell others how they should conduct themselves in their own relationships.   I will, however, expect a certain respect of my thoughts and opinions if you want any kind of friendship/relationship with me.  Just something to remember. :-) *******

Names, labels, whatever you want to call them, are a reality in everyone's life.  In some cases, they are a neutral way of denoting a relationship or characteristics - husband, wife, parent, son, daughter, lawyer, teacher, boss, employee, tall, short, blonde, brunette.  In other cases, they are used to demean, diminish or denigrate the person involved.  Those are the labels that I, personally, have a problem with.

Ultimately, though, it is how the person being referred to sees the labels that is most important.  I have read several threads on the two interracial boards I am on, iloveinterracial.com and blacktowhite.net, regarding name calling, either in or out of a sexual situation, and "personal choice" is the overwhelming lesson that I took from reading these threads.

In interracial situations, there seem to be common "labels" placed on both sides. Black guys tend to be referred to, and refer to themselves, as BBC or BBD (Big Black Cock/Dick).  White women tend to be thought of/referred to as BBC sluts/whores.  Some women even admit that they consider that a compliment. They say that it really turns them on to be called that by their black lover.

This is where the factor of personal taste/preference comes into play.  I HATE labels, with a passion.  I will not refer to a guy as a BBC.   He may be black, he may be well-endowed but BBC is something that he HAS, not something that he IS.  Calling him a BBC, to me, diminishes the rest of him as a person. And, if I am not interested in him as a person, what he has between his legs doesn't matter to me in the least.

Now, moving on to the female labels... I get the feeling from the threads that some of the folks feel that every woman should be proud to be a BBC slut.  Well, if any guy ever called me a slut or a whore, in bed or out, he would find out pretty quickly that whatever relationship we had was over.  I just won't tolerate that, even in a playful manner.  To me, being called that is a huge insult, and whatever respect or trust I had in the guy would immediately go out the window.  I can be naughty, I can be wild , but name-calling is a hard limit for me.  If that means a guy doesn't want to be with me, then that's fine.  If he's the kind of guy that gets turned on by insulting a woman, then he's not the kind of guy I would want to be with.   I have actually had this discussion with the most recent guy in my life, and he has had women tell him that they want the name calling.  Since he wants to please the woman, he has done it, but he had to be talked into it.  It isn't part of his nature.  A definite plus in my books!

Let's face it, we all have different things that turn us on and, on the flip side, different hard limits, things that we won't accept.  This is why it is so important to me to get to know a guy as a person first, to find out what kind of guy he is, find out if there's compatibility.  We talk about turnons, positions, experiences, life in general, and we learn about each other.  Once there's some common ground established, then we can do something about the sexual connection.  And the time taken to build up to that results in an increased intensity when you do get together.

Ultimately, as I said, it all boils down to personal preference, what works for you and your partner.  Mild or wild, I wish for all of you exactly what you wish for.  

Cheers,

Mari 

To watch, or not to watch...

That is today's question.

The equation of an "open relationship" is a complicated one, with many different possible variations.  The main commonality, as far as I can tell, is simply that the partners are allowed to have sexual relations with someone other than the other person.  That seems to be it.  Everything else will pretty much vary as much as the individuals themselves.

Some couples have one, two, or just a few people that one or both partners play with.  Sometimes, this may involve a threesome or a couple swap.  Some couples go all out with group sex, gangbangs, and such.  Ultimately, whatever is going to work for the couple needs to work for both of them.  Otherwise, the main relationship will develop a crack and will end up suffering instead of flourishing.

My husband has, as I've mentioned in the past entries, given me his full blessing to explore my sexy, naughty side.  There has been some discussion as to whether he would ever be present for one of my "playtimes", but as yet, it hasn't happened.  He's not pushing for it, and, to be honest, neither am I.  I have never been in a situation where I've been concerned for my personal safety, so we haven't felt the need for him to be there for that reason.  He's also not the one who has pushed me into doing this because it is his fantasy, so there's been no impetus from that aspect, either.

I think the only reason that he would ever be there is out of curiosity.  He knows how I am when I'm in the throes of passion with him, and there is a certain curiosity about how or whether I react differently when I'm with another man.  But that curiosity isn't an overwhelming one, at least not so far.  When I've been with someone else, his main questions are "Did you have fun?" and "Did he do anything different that you'd like me to use next time?".  But he doesn't pepper me with demands for every detail.  Often, details will come out in time, but if they don't, that's cool.

My main concern is that I don't EVER want to do anything that would diminish my husband in any way, shape or form.  He is who he is, and he is the man I fell in love with all those years ago, and the man with whom I will grow old, the Good Lord willing.  I worry that, if he sees me in the throes of passion with someone else, he will end up making unnecessary and inaccurate comparisons.  And, once that picture is in your head, it is not something that can be removed.  

There are some couples that thrive on the husband feeling diminished and humiliated, left with no doubt that he just doesn't have what it takes to satisfy his wife.  That is definitely not us.  Like any couple, we have times where our sex drives just don't mesh, for whatever reason.  But I think my husband would agree that, sexually, things are even hotter for us now, for the most part, than they were when we first got together.  Probably, to a large degree, that has been helped by my increasing comfort level with my own sexuality.  But, increased comfort level or not, I'm still not totally sold on him being in the room while I'm getting passionate with another man.

I'm not saying it won't ever happen, but I'd want to make sure it would be adding something to what we already have, not leaving any potential to detract from it.  I'd need to feel very comfortable with the other guy, and I'd want the two guys to meet in a casual environment first, maybe for drinks, to make sure everybody feels good together.  If, and only if, that were the case, could I ever picture a situation like that happening.  I will admit to preferring the intimacy of a one-on-one situation.  I always imagine one of the participants in a threesome feeling kind of left out, to be blunt.  But, since I have been trying to expand my horizons lately, I won't say it will never happen.  It would, however, have to be the right situation, and the right guy to share that time with.  And the ultimate decision of whether to simply watch, enjoying his own live sex show starring his beloved wife, or join in, or just wait until the other man leaves, then reclaim me as HIS, would be up to my husband... IF the situation ever presents itself.

Cheers,

Mari

PS - on a side note, a brief shout-out to a long-distance bud of mine from ILI.  J, here you go, my friend!  

Kissing

"You must remember this. A kiss is just a kiss. A sigh is just a sigh." -- "As Time Goes By", from the movie Casablanca, 1942

In my opinion, sex without kissing is like trying to start a car without turning on the ignition. You won't get very far. (At least you won't with me.) That said, some folks have very definite rules to the contrary when it comes to kissing and sex.

Kissing is, arguably, a very intimate act. Some couples in open relationships have a rule between them about not kissing a partner other than your spouse. Sexual intercourse of any type is perfectly acceptable, but kissing is "verboten". The rationale seems to be that the spouse doing the kissing may develop an emotional attachment to the other person. I suppose that is always a possibility, but to me, kissing is a necessity, and is simply part and parcel of the intimacy that I am sharing with someone. Trust me, if I don't want to kiss you, there certainly won't be anything further happening. On the flip side, if we kiss, and there is good chemistry, and those kisses ignite a fire within me, then chances are very good that we will be having some very intimate fun together at some point, as long as that feeling is mutual.

So, a kiss is not necessarily, as the song said, "just" a kiss. A kiss can be the barometer of how much chemistry, if any, there is between two people. It can be the bellows that turns a tiny flame into a raging fire that can only be quenched by two naked bodies joining together in passion.

It can also sometimes say more than words themselves. It can express a multitude of different things: "Hello, I'm happy to see you", "I've missed you", "Goodbye", "I'm sorry", "I want us both naked immediately", and so much more. It can run the gamut from friendly, familial or cultural (think the traditional European kisses on both cheeks) to passionate and knee-buckling.  

A kiss can tell you the state of mind of the other person, if you are tuned in enough to read the signs. It can be an indicator of whether the person is stressed, distracted, tired, feeling playful, sad, happy, "into you", emotionally checked out, and many other things as well.

When I am involved in a sexual experience with someone, it heightens things immeasurably when we share passionate kisses while he is deep inside me. It stokes the fire that was probably ignited by the very first kisses. It keeps the passion and desire burning, and the intensity building. It makes a hot experience even hotter when interspersed with looking deep into your lover's eyes, seeing the reaction that you are causing in the other person and allowing them to see the reaction that they are causing in you. That is why I, personally, am partial to any of the "partners facing each other" positions.

One of the threads from a site I am a member of discussed kissing another guy in front of your husband. Some women expressed initial reluctance to kiss their lover in front of their husband, and I totally understand that feeling. Although my husband has never watched me during my "playtime" with another man, he has met the guys from the Dominican Republic who have shared my bed at times (albeit, before we made the step from friends to lovers). And, although I am no longer on good terms with 2 of them, I had always greeted them with kisses on both cheeks, as I greet all of my friends there. This did not change, just because hubby was there, nor did it change after we became lovers. Will the situation ever present itself where my hubby will see me passionately kiss another man? I don't know, to be honest. That whole idea is probably sufficient fodder for an entirely separate blog entry. LOL. But, in the meantime, I have total freedom to kiss someone, if we are so inclined. And kiss I most certainly will.

I, personally, love the feel of another pair of lips on mine. It restores me, somehow. And the best feeling is receiving the input back from the other person that the feeling is mutual. Overall, I think if there were more kissing, the world would be a much happier place. Don't you? 

Cheers,

MB

Touch ... A poem

Skin on skin,

Gentle fingertips exploring and caressing,

Strong hands kneading and grasping.

Soft lips skimming and tickling,

Firm tongue inciting and urging

Hard rod probing depths,

Warm, wet, welcoming centre.

Skin on skin,

Jolts of electricity,

Nerve endings on fire.

Teasing yet serious,

Timid yet strong,

Kitten yet tigress.

Skin on skin,

Climbing to the peak,

Soaring to ecstasy

***********

Copyright Mariposa Blanca

Aug 10/13