Faking it

Fakes, phonys and posers.  Every Internet forum has them.  Probably the interracial sites I have recently become acquainted with have more than their fair share of them.  White guys pretending to be hot, young black men.  Gay guys pretending to be hot young women.  Women, real ones, pretending to be younger or thinner than they really are.  All to get attention from a desired segment of the population.  I have nothing against white guys, black guys, gay or straight, young or old, or any other segment of the population. What I can't stand, though, is a liar.

I do not post a face pic of myself on the sites.  I need to maintain a certain amount of discretion, since many in society would not approve of, or understand, the arrangement my husband and I have, even though it really should be strictly between us and not for others to judge.  But it IS my real body on there, albeit rather scantily clad, cropped to not show my face.  I don't post a pic of a hot 20-year-old with a size 4 body.  Because that is not me.  The pic is of my own 46-year-old, far-from-skinny (although now, I am starting to be more inclined to say "voluptuous") body.  But it's MY body.

Some people hide behind a picture of someone else, for whatever reason.  In a way, I pity those people, as much as I can't stand their lies.  When I become friends with someone from one of the sites, I know that they see the real me.  If they like me, they like me for who I really am, in body, mind and spirit.  As is likely pretty obvious by now, if you've read any of my other blog entries, I shoot pretty straight.  I say what I mean and I mean what I say.  If I set up a meeting with a guy, and send him a face pic, he will immediately be able to recognize me when he walks in.  He will also know that any opinions expressed in communication we have had is really my opinion.  And I expect the same honesty in return.  If someone sends you a pic of a hot, young black man, and a 50-year-old white guy with a combover walks in to the coffee shop to meet you, that's going to be very disappointing.  Or, likewise, a guy thinks he's meeting a 25-year-old woman with a great body, and in walks a 50-year-old woman with 100 extra pounds, or, even worse, another guy.  If you happen to have spent a lot of time and money to meet, you will undoubtedly feel very betrayed.  I will NOT do that to someone, and don't want someone to do it to me.  It's not that there's something wrong with the "real" person as described above.  But it was "false advertising", so to speak.

The same goes for mind and spirit.  Just be yourself.  I would much rather have someone see the real me in my postings or comments and say "nah, we just don't see eye to eye", and pass on getting to know me further, than post stuff that is not really how I think and feel, and have someone like me for someone I really am not.

I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt.  If someone is lying, there will always be discrepancies that raise a red flag or several.  Sometimes, it's a false alarm and there is a perfectly logical explanation.  It does happen.  But if I know you're lying to me, and give you the chance to come clean, and you choose to continue the lies, then you will not get another chance.  Let me see the real you from the start, or else the "friend"ship will wind up sinking.

That said, do I show a different side of myself to the folks who know me from the site, or from my blog?  Yes, to a certain extent.  I think it would be safe to say that many of the friends I have from other parts of my life would never think I would be "the type" to be in an open relationship. A few of my friends know, but most don't.  Ultimately, though, the part of me that is my core shows through regardless of who I am communicating with.

As far as I'm concerned, it's just all about being honest about who you are.  By doing that, you will attract the people who will fit well into your life.  If you're not honest, then the fit won't be right.  It will be like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.  So to speak. ;-)