To watch, or not to watch...

That is today's question.

The equation of an "open relationship" is a complicated one, with many different possible variations.  The main commonality, as far as I can tell, is simply that the partners are allowed to have sexual relations with someone other than the other person.  That seems to be it.  Everything else will pretty much vary as much as the individuals themselves.

Some couples have one, two, or just a few people that one or both partners play with.  Sometimes, this may involve a threesome or a couple swap.  Some couples go all out with group sex, gangbangs, and such.  Ultimately, whatever is going to work for the couple needs to work for both of them.  Otherwise, the main relationship will develop a crack and will end up suffering instead of flourishing.

My husband has, as I've mentioned in the past entries, given me his full blessing to explore my sexy, naughty side.  There has been some discussion as to whether he would ever be present for one of my "playtimes", but as yet, it hasn't happened.  He's not pushing for it, and, to be honest, neither am I.  I have never been in a situation where I've been concerned for my personal safety, so we haven't felt the need for him to be there for that reason.  He's also not the one who has pushed me into doing this because it is his fantasy, so there's been no impetus from that aspect, either.

I think the only reason that he would ever be there is out of curiosity.  He knows how I am when I'm in the throes of passion with him, and there is a certain curiosity about how or whether I react differently when I'm with another man.  But that curiosity isn't an overwhelming one, at least not so far.  When I've been with someone else, his main questions are "Did you have fun?" and "Did he do anything different that you'd like me to use next time?".  But he doesn't pepper me with demands for every detail.  Often, details will come out in time, but if they don't, that's cool.

My main concern is that I don't EVER want to do anything that would diminish my husband in any way, shape or form.  He is who he is, and he is the man I fell in love with all those years ago, and the man with whom I will grow old, the Good Lord willing.  I worry that, if he sees me in the throes of passion with someone else, he will end up making unnecessary and inaccurate comparisons.  And, once that picture is in your head, it is not something that can be removed.  

There are some couples that thrive on the husband feeling diminished and humiliated, left with no doubt that he just doesn't have what it takes to satisfy his wife.  That is definitely not us.  Like any couple, we have times where our sex drives just don't mesh, for whatever reason.  But I think my husband would agree that, sexually, things are even hotter for us now, for the most part, than they were when we first got together.  Probably, to a large degree, that has been helped by my increasing comfort level with my own sexuality.  But, increased comfort level or not, I'm still not totally sold on him being in the room while I'm getting passionate with another man.

I'm not saying it won't ever happen, but I'd want to make sure it would be adding something to what we already have, not leaving any potential to detract from it.  I'd need to feel very comfortable with the other guy, and I'd want the two guys to meet in a casual environment first, maybe for drinks, to make sure everybody feels good together.  If, and only if, that were the case, could I ever picture a situation like that happening.  I will admit to preferring the intimacy of a one-on-one situation.  I always imagine one of the participants in a threesome feeling kind of left out, to be blunt.  But, since I have been trying to expand my horizons lately, I won't say it will never happen.  It would, however, have to be the right situation, and the right guy to share that time with.  And the ultimate decision of whether to simply watch, enjoying his own live sex show starring his beloved wife, or join in, or just wait until the other man leaves, then reclaim me as HIS, would be up to my husband... IF the situation ever presents itself.

Cheers,

Mari

PS - on a side note, a brief shout-out to a long-distance bud of mine from ILI.  J, here you go, my friend!  

Kissing

"You must remember this. A kiss is just a kiss. A sigh is just a sigh." -- "As Time Goes By", from the movie Casablanca, 1942

In my opinion, sex without kissing is like trying to start a car without turning on the ignition. You won't get very far. (At least you won't with me.) That said, some folks have very definite rules to the contrary when it comes to kissing and sex.

Kissing is, arguably, a very intimate act. Some couples in open relationships have a rule between them about not kissing a partner other than your spouse. Sexual intercourse of any type is perfectly acceptable, but kissing is "verboten". The rationale seems to be that the spouse doing the kissing may develop an emotional attachment to the other person. I suppose that is always a possibility, but to me, kissing is a necessity, and is simply part and parcel of the intimacy that I am sharing with someone. Trust me, if I don't want to kiss you, there certainly won't be anything further happening. On the flip side, if we kiss, and there is good chemistry, and those kisses ignite a fire within me, then chances are very good that we will be having some very intimate fun together at some point, as long as that feeling is mutual.

So, a kiss is not necessarily, as the song said, "just" a kiss. A kiss can be the barometer of how much chemistry, if any, there is between two people. It can be the bellows that turns a tiny flame into a raging fire that can only be quenched by two naked bodies joining together in passion.

It can also sometimes say more than words themselves. It can express a multitude of different things: "Hello, I'm happy to see you", "I've missed you", "Goodbye", "I'm sorry", "I want us both naked immediately", and so much more. It can run the gamut from friendly, familial or cultural (think the traditional European kisses on both cheeks) to passionate and knee-buckling.  

A kiss can tell you the state of mind of the other person, if you are tuned in enough to read the signs. It can be an indicator of whether the person is stressed, distracted, tired, feeling playful, sad, happy, "into you", emotionally checked out, and many other things as well.

When I am involved in a sexual experience with someone, it heightens things immeasurably when we share passionate kisses while he is deep inside me. It stokes the fire that was probably ignited by the very first kisses. It keeps the passion and desire burning, and the intensity building. It makes a hot experience even hotter when interspersed with looking deep into your lover's eyes, seeing the reaction that you are causing in the other person and allowing them to see the reaction that they are causing in you. That is why I, personally, am partial to any of the "partners facing each other" positions.

One of the threads from a site I am a member of discussed kissing another guy in front of your husband. Some women expressed initial reluctance to kiss their lover in front of their husband, and I totally understand that feeling. Although my husband has never watched me during my "playtime" with another man, he has met the guys from the Dominican Republic who have shared my bed at times (albeit, before we made the step from friends to lovers). And, although I am no longer on good terms with 2 of them, I had always greeted them with kisses on both cheeks, as I greet all of my friends there. This did not change, just because hubby was there, nor did it change after we became lovers. Will the situation ever present itself where my hubby will see me passionately kiss another man? I don't know, to be honest. That whole idea is probably sufficient fodder for an entirely separate blog entry. LOL. But, in the meantime, I have total freedom to kiss someone, if we are so inclined. And kiss I most certainly will.

I, personally, love the feel of another pair of lips on mine. It restores me, somehow. And the best feeling is receiving the input back from the other person that the feeling is mutual. Overall, I think if there were more kissing, the world would be a much happier place. Don't you? 

Cheers,

MB

Touch ... A poem

Skin on skin,

Gentle fingertips exploring and caressing,

Strong hands kneading and grasping.

Soft lips skimming and tickling,

Firm tongue inciting and urging

Hard rod probing depths,

Warm, wet, welcoming centre.

Skin on skin,

Jolts of electricity,

Nerve endings on fire.

Teasing yet serious,

Timid yet strong,

Kitten yet tigress.

Skin on skin,

Climbing to the peak,

Soaring to ecstasy

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Copyright Mariposa Blanca

Aug 10/13

Contribution from a friend - more wisdom from OldSchoolPlayer25

Thanks so much to my friend, OSP25, for another eloquent contribution!  Originally posted as a thread on blacktowhite.net

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An Essay on Words

Recently, one of the couples on BlacktoWhite (CuckoldCouple) posted a thread called Evocative Images. All the pics posted were of great quality showing Interracial couples in various stages of lovemaking and sex. One of the responders used the word ‘sluts’ in his response to the pics. It was inappropriate and reflected a limited view of women.

Black to White has been an interesting web site, and has started to evolve into something more then just amateur porn viewing and posting of pics. It appears to be actually growing up, in the sense that the thrust and general level of content and discourse has started to rise above the level of just so-called ‘trash talk’. 

Having been watching and reading the posts, I have come away impressed with the intelligence and awareness of the folks who are regulars on the site. In addition, one Member (Mariposa Blanca) has taken the time to start a blog for folks new to the lifestyle, and is trying to give them a comfort level above the more commercial porn sites. BtW is actually becoming adult. 

With that observation, I am wondering if it is time to think about modifying our language in the description of the women. We appear to have more women and couples who are joining and looking forward to interaction on an adult IR platform. I fully recognize that all of us come from different experiences, belief systems and backgrounds. The one constant is the fact that when a woman chooses to share her body with a man, whether he be Black or White or whatever, she has provided a gift to him that cannot be duplicated. 

The question being raised...is it time for the Brothers of Beta Beta Chi to modify their language on the public threads and forums and stop describing the women as ‘sluts’ , bitches, or cum buckets? This is not an effort to censor the trash talk done between a man and a woman who is chatting with him on the forum, but more to think twice in our descriptions of women who have various levels of interaction with IR and significant differences in how they share their gifts. Yes, there are women who enjoy the so-called “over the top” experience, and they have made that choice to explore their sexuality to the limit with numerous groups in various settings. There are others who are more conservative and wish to only share their gifts with one man or maybe a second. Lastly, there is the woman who, with her husband’s approval, shares her gifts willingly, but also on her terms and conditions. In no way should the men of Beta Beta Chi denigrate or degrade them in any way on the forums or threads. What is done between a BBC and the lady in private is their own form of play and no questions there.

So members, male and female, please feel free to comment or respond. The above essay is only being posed as a rhetorical question. As we grow in numbers and attract more adults and couples, which should be our goal, we might want to think about how we men of Beta Beta Chi are being perceived if the only form of communication we use is to refer to our female members or newbies as ‘sluts’ or bitches.