To watch, or not to watch...

That is today's question.

The equation of an "open relationship" is a complicated one, with many different possible variations.  The main commonality, as far as I can tell, is simply that the partners are allowed to have sexual relations with someone other than the other person.  That seems to be it.  Everything else will pretty much vary as much as the individuals themselves.

Some couples have one, two, or just a few people that one or both partners play with.  Sometimes, this may involve a threesome or a couple swap.  Some couples go all out with group sex, gangbangs, and such.  Ultimately, whatever is going to work for the couple needs to work for both of them.  Otherwise, the main relationship will develop a crack and will end up suffering instead of flourishing.

My husband has, as I've mentioned in the past entries, given me his full blessing to explore my sexy, naughty side.  There has been some discussion as to whether he would ever be present for one of my "playtimes", but as yet, it hasn't happened.  He's not pushing for it, and, to be honest, neither am I.  I have never been in a situation where I've been concerned for my personal safety, so we haven't felt the need for him to be there for that reason.  He's also not the one who has pushed me into doing this because it is his fantasy, so there's been no impetus from that aspect, either.

I think the only reason that he would ever be there is out of curiosity.  He knows how I am when I'm in the throes of passion with him, and there is a certain curiosity about how or whether I react differently when I'm with another man.  But that curiosity isn't an overwhelming one, at least not so far.  When I've been with someone else, his main questions are "Did you have fun?" and "Did he do anything different that you'd like me to use next time?".  But he doesn't pepper me with demands for every detail.  Often, details will come out in time, but if they don't, that's cool.

My main concern is that I don't EVER want to do anything that would diminish my husband in any way, shape or form.  He is who he is, and he is the man I fell in love with all those years ago, and the man with whom I will grow old, the Good Lord willing.  I worry that, if he sees me in the throes of passion with someone else, he will end up making unnecessary and inaccurate comparisons.  And, once that picture is in your head, it is not something that can be removed.  

There are some couples that thrive on the husband feeling diminished and humiliated, left with no doubt that he just doesn't have what it takes to satisfy his wife.  That is definitely not us.  Like any couple, we have times where our sex drives just don't mesh, for whatever reason.  But I think my husband would agree that, sexually, things are even hotter for us now, for the most part, than they were when we first got together.  Probably, to a large degree, that has been helped by my increasing comfort level with my own sexuality.  But, increased comfort level or not, I'm still not totally sold on him being in the room while I'm getting passionate with another man.

I'm not saying it won't ever happen, but I'd want to make sure it would be adding something to what we already have, not leaving any potential to detract from it.  I'd need to feel very comfortable with the other guy, and I'd want the two guys to meet in a casual environment first, maybe for drinks, to make sure everybody feels good together.  If, and only if, that were the case, could I ever picture a situation like that happening.  I will admit to preferring the intimacy of a one-on-one situation.  I always imagine one of the participants in a threesome feeling kind of left out, to be blunt.  But, since I have been trying to expand my horizons lately, I won't say it will never happen.  It would, however, have to be the right situation, and the right guy to share that time with.  And the ultimate decision of whether to simply watch, enjoying his own live sex show starring his beloved wife, or join in, or just wait until the other man leaves, then reclaim me as HIS, would be up to my husband... IF the situation ever presents itself.

Cheers,

Mari

PS - on a side note, a brief shout-out to a long-distance bud of mine from ILI.  J, here you go, my friend!