Names, labels, whatever you want to call them, are a reality in everyone's life. In some cases, they are a neutral way of denoting a relationship or characteristics - husband, wife, parent, son, daughter, lawyer, teacher, boss, employee, tall, short, blonde, brunette. In other cases, they are used to demean, diminish or denigrate the person involved. Those are the labels that I, personally, have a problem with.
Ultimately, though, it is how the person being referred to sees the labels that is most important. I have read several threads on the two interracial boards I am on, iloveinterracial.com and blacktowhite.net, regarding name calling, either in or out of a sexual situation, and "personal choice" is the overwhelming lesson that I took from reading these threads.
In interracial situations, there seem to be common "labels" placed on both sides. Black guys tend to be referred to, and refer to themselves, as BBC or BBD (Big Black Cock/Dick). White women tend to be thought of/referred to as BBC sluts/whores. Some women even admit that they consider that a compliment. They say that it really turns them on to be called that by their black lover.
This is where the factor of personal taste/preference comes into play. I HATE labels, with a passion. I will not refer to a guy as a BBC. He may be black, he may be well-endowed but BBC is something that he HAS, not something that he IS. Calling him a BBC, to me, diminishes the rest of him as a person. And, if I am not interested in him as a person, what he has between his legs doesn't matter to me in the least.
Now, moving on to the female labels... I get the feeling from the threads that some of the folks feel that every woman should be proud to be a BBC slut. Well, if any guy ever called me a slut or a whore, in bed or out, he would find out pretty quickly that whatever relationship we had was over. I just won't tolerate that, even in a playful manner. To me, being called that is a huge insult, and whatever respect or trust I had in the guy would immediately go out the window. I can be naughty, I can be wild , but name-calling is a hard limit for me. If that means a guy doesn't want to be with me, then that's fine. If he's the kind of guy that gets turned on by insulting a woman, then he's not the kind of guy I would want to be with. I have actually had this discussion with the most recent guy in my life, and he has had women tell him that they want the name calling. Since he wants to please the woman, he has done it, but he had to be talked into it. It isn't part of his nature. A definite plus in my books!
Let's face it, we all have different things that turn us on and, on the flip side, different hard limits, things that we won't accept. This is why it is so important to me to get to know a guy as a person first, to find out what kind of guy he is, find out if there's compatibility. We talk about turnons, positions, experiences, life in general, and we learn about each other. Once there's some common ground established, then we can do something about the sexual connection. And the time taken to build up to that results in an increased intensity when you do get together.
Ultimately, as I said, it all boils down to personal preference, what works for you and your partner. Mild or wild, I wish for all of you exactly what you wish for.
Cheers,
Mari
No comments:
Post a Comment