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Sunday 7 July 2013

A contribution from a friend - OldSchoolPlayer25

Many thanks to my friend OSP25 for his thoughtful contribution to my new venture.  :-)

COMING OUT

Recently we witnessed the ‘coming out’ of a black gay basketball player for the Boston Celtics, Jason Williams. The world of media was all atwitter on his courage to make the decision to be honest about his life.

In a lot of ways, his struggle with ‘coming out’ is not unlike a lot of us in this country still hamstrung with race and ethnicity. During the last 40 years there has been a change in attitudes and broader acceptance of Interracial Relationships, with the media, movies, print media, advertising all crossing multi-cultural lines.

For adults of a certain age, the demarcation line was clear and distinct. One did not cross over to another race for any type of relationship which might lead to a couple sharing a life or starting a family. The social costs were heavy and peer pressure was difficult to overcome on both sides.

We fast forward to 2013 and the genie is out the bottle. Men of color, women of European heritage, and vice versa, now freely embark on the voyage of life regardless of the color of their partner's skin. Albeit in a lot of these relationships, it is purely for the exploration of one’s sexual adventures and fun.For a lot of us, this is not a bad goal at all.

We have IR dating sites, adult entertainment with an emphasis on IR, resorts specializing in IR fun, and various other venues. As the lady said in the movie,The Group -who would’ve thunk.

For women of European heritage, the taboo is nowremoved. Yes, they still need to make good decisions in the men they choose, but society no longer lookscross-eyed as they once did when a mixed couple entered a restaurant or other venue. For Black Men, who were products of the 60’s and 70’s immersed in the Black Consciousness permeating the communities, the pressure to socialize only with Black women is now over. The pressure from families and friends, to encourage relationships only with Black women is finally removed. Black men, particularly the younger men (20’s and 30s), have numerous opportunities to interact with whomever they choose and not be limited to only one flavor.

It still boils down to the right chemistry for either party, though.  No amount of blond or brunette hair,blue or green eyes will make up for a personality deficit, and the same goes for the hunky chiseled Tyrese wannabe who can’t conjugate a verb or hasnever read a book. My observation of mixed couples,whether they be fully committed and married or a casual relationship with the right amount of sexual chemistry, is that the basic components have to be a mutual understanding of their common goals and common values.

IR is the next wave sweeping the country, however, it is diminished considerably if the White ladies reflect only a black mandingo mentality, and the Brothers of Beta Beta Chi (BBC) show a lack of respect for the women. This social contract between the two communities should be adhered to as best as possible to enhance and encourage others to move to the new environment. It will enhance the IR activities of any new couples and encourage participants, particularly women looking for a broader social experience.

There is a significant difference in the attitudes of women moving to the IR arena. My information is anecdotal only, but in observing and communicating with the ones I have met, either married, or single and exploring, they exhibit an openness in communicating, an adventurous and curious spirit, and a willingness to move beyond society’s restraints.  My attitude is they should be commended and respected.

The title of my contribution is called “Coming Out”. For me, I was quite surprised how the website BlacktoWhite.net, allowed me to reflect on my narrow view of women as partners. After being in the rodeo (marriage + kids) a couple of times and reflecting why I consistently tried to please my segment of society (African American parents, friends, social set) with a “right on sister” who I then found didn’t share my vision or values, I found that,as Dr. King said, “it’s not the color of the skin, but the content of the character”. So now I have Come Out, after living the lie of only trying to connect with a segment who really didn’t “get” me. Yes, Black women don’t always connect with Black Men as perceived in our societyWithout the right chemistry those unions don’t necessarily work. IR is not the panacea for happiness either. The real secret to successful IR unions whether they be short term or long is finding that right partner to enjoy that ride called life.

So my thanks to BtW for making me wake up andhave the courage to admit something I secretly admired for a long time: that I like having an Interracial Relationship, whether it be of a short duration, or a long term commitment. I will know she and I share a common vision and common values. Also we just like knocking each other’s boots.

Good luck to all as they make the journey.  As the old man said in the Indiana Jones movie: "Choose wisely"

OldSchoolPlayer25

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