Finding that connection

As I have mentioned, I was brought up to be a "good girl".  At times, I almost had the feeling that sex, and sexual desire, was bad.  Now that I have some years of life under my belt, I am learning that sexual desire is very much a good thing.  However, that doesn't mean that I will "share my goodies" with just anyone.  I certainly don't feel that I speak for every woman but, for me, there needs to be a connection beyond just the physical.  I want to be able to carry on a conversation with a guy who is going to share a bed with me.  If we can't enjoy each other's company over a cup of coffee, then chances are the sex will be empty.  After all, if you don't want to talk to each other, then the time "in between" would be very awkward.

Obviously, being married, I'm not looking for the type of connection that leads to commitment.  I have no intention of dumping my loving, wonderful husband and best friend for someone else.  And I make that clear from the start.  What I am looking for is to just be able to enjoy the non-sexual part of our time together, as well as the sexual.  And that kind of rapport allows me to build up the trust I need to have to put myself in a situation where I am potentially vulnerable.  

I think that, for me, part of it stems from still having some body image problems after my weight loss.  As long as the clothes are on, and can hide the flaws, I'm confident.  But showing my naked body to someone other than my husband  has always made me nervous.  The weight loss has resulted in lots of excess skin, and therefore lots of sag.  To me, it's not a pretty picture, and not sexy.  My fear would be to get to a point with a guy where we're getting naked, and he gets totally turned off by my body.  I guess, by  establishing a connection with him, I'm attempting to make sure that he is going to be able to look past the physical flaws and accept me as the woman he has gotten to know.  

I know there are women who don't even care to know anything about the guy before they get physical with them.  I don't judge anyone for what they feel comfortable or uncomfortable doing.  But that's not me.  And any guy who can't accept that I need some time to feel comfortable with him isn't the kind of guy I will end up sharing a bed with.  Just saying.  And, when I feel that connection and I'm looking in my lover's eyes during the throes of passion, things get incredibly intense and hot.  So, for me, it's both a necessity and a benefit to have that connection.

If you need that connection, like I do, don't settle.  When it happens, it's worth the wait, and worth sorting through the chaff to get to the wheat.

Cheers, 

Mari